One of the main reasons I came to Montreal was to develop my independence. And to me, that meant pushing everyone away and being on my own, and either sinking or swimming.

It's funny, because living completely on my own here, without a safety net of friends and family, I do feel more independent, but I've come to realise the opposite: that having close friends and family in your life and in proximity is very important. I also never really realised how important having close girl friends are. People to talk to about anything, who will listen to you say anything, no matter how stupid, and still love you.

I think before I came to Montreal I had this problem about letting people in too close, and I felt the need to run away and put distance between me and people I cared about. I was afraid of letting people in, of losing my independence which I had so carefully started to cultivate, worried that I couldn't learn about myself if people who cared about me were still so attached to me. Now I know that this is completely silly.

More than anything, I've learned to lean on people if I need to. I've learned that I need close friends and family, and that this won't take away any independence. I've re-learned that I have amazing friends.

And I feel like I know now what I want out of life.

Labels: thoughts

posted by Maresa @ 9:42 PM