This is where I live. Isn't it beautiful? (Yes, I've figured out how to open my RAW images and I'm oh so happy!)

Labels: photos

posted by Maresa @ 12:15 AM 3 Comments

Snippets

Don't you hate it when TV shows deceive you into thinking the next episode is going to be juicy and then they all of a sudden run the "Behind the Scenes Special" that no one cares about. Okay, I'm talking about the Bachelor, and I was all set for some drama (I even left my parents' house kinda early to get home) but instead I have something else. AND, Gossip Girl is a re-run AGAIN and will be until the middle of March! Come on now, the two shows I actually watch and they're both sucking. This Monday night is poop.

I took photos in RAW mode for the first time this weekend, I can't figure out how to get them onto my computer now to edit. I have to download a plugin, but apparently I'm retarded...? And it doesn't help that Photoshop only exists on my laptop which isn't where I want to edit them! Oh the tragedy.

I think I'm going to be modeling for my cousin again this weekend.

I'm so excited that Marja had her little baby last week! (And it was a girl!!!)

I think that the Oscars are boring and how anyone could sit there and watch them for 3 hours is beyond me.

Life is a little uncertain at the moment, but that's what I want right now. I've learned a lot about myself recently, most importantly I'm trying to stop overanalyzing everything.

And did I mention how upset I am with the Bachelor and GG??

Labels: TV

posted by Maresa @ 11:49 PM 2 Comments

Photos photos photos

I guess Sunday is photo day... These are shots from my modeling stint for my cousin who had an assignment on lighting techniques.

Labels: photos

posted by Maresa @ 12:56 AM 3 Comments

This weekend Laurel and I went on a little jaunt over to Vancouver to visit Caitlin, who has moved there about a month ago. She's got the cutest little apartment! On Friday night Caitlin and Chris took us to a flamenco bar for a tasty dinner and then we proceeded to get drunk on lots of pitchers of sangria and red wine and watched the flamenco dancers (poor Laurel was sickie and had to go home early). Came home late, stayed up for more hours while I drunkenly recited poetry and we drunkenly watched TV shows in bed on Chris's laptop, and then passed out. On Saturday we cruised around Chinatown and Commercial Drive and ended the day with homemade quesidillas and more red wine and a documentary movie about a guy who walked on tightrope between the World Trade Center towers. Hello insane and cool.

Labels: friends, nightlife

posted by Maresa @ 8:47 PM 2 Comments

I'm feeling weird tonight. I'm feeling debilitated by thoughts of the future, debilitated because I constantly want to do what is right, make the right choices, do the right thing. I am so concerend about having regrets, and feeling like "I should have done that," and so I keep trying to make choices that will limit or extinguish those feelings, but in the end all I think I'm doing is running in circles. And I end up just running away.

People have always told me that I'm brave and that they admire my life decisions, but I don't think it's bravery at all. It's just me being terrified with worry that my life could be going down the wrong path and so I abruptly turn and make another choice. Usually there's nothing concretely wrong that I base that decision on: it's just my defense mechanism to shut down, break it off, and forge a new way.

This is clearly illustrated in the long-term romantic relationships I've had. Nothing was really wrong in either relationship, only that as time went by I became scared. The fear that there were other things or life experiences I could-be, should-be doing grapsed hold of me and wouldn't let go. So I shut down and tried to close my emotions off so it would lessen the hurt, and then went another way. I have been the one to initiate breaking off every single relationship I've had.

I think I'm afraid of committment. But not obviously so. Because I'm good at staying in relationships for years, I'm committed to keeping my house clean and tidy, to eating healthy, to having plans and routines. On the surface, everything is fine. But then there's that part of me that is honestly just scared, and wants to have as many experiences as I can, and wants to some day settle down and think, "Wow, I'm so glad I did all those things and right now I am so happy doing this and will be for the rest of my life."

It's hard. Because running away means burning bridges, saying yes to one thing means saying no to another.

I really need to learn that whatever choice I make is going to be the right choice.

Labels: life

posted by Maresa @ 1:21 AM