Life is all about timing. For 3-4 years now I've wanted to move to Toronto, and for various reasons, the timing has never been right. It's funny how things have to happen in your life in order to let other things happen. (Wow, that's a vague thought, isn't it?) And now, it seems like all my stars are aligning. I just can't express enough how happy I am.
I updated the layout. I wanted something that expressed moving, freedom, drifting, transience. It's simple, but I like it. :)
Oh, and other random thought: job hunters do actually Google you. I spent the better part of my day today looking at resumes for filling my position, and my boss and I were Googling and Facebooking the candidates names to see what they looked like. So, here's a tip: make sure you have a job-hunter-appropriate Facebook profile picture. Just sayin'.
Labels: thoughts, website
endings and new beginnings
In 2 weeks I’m leaving Montreal. I had originally intended that my next move would be going back home to BC and then settling down in Vancouver after a month or two. But I’m not sure I’m quite ready to do that. I don’t know if I’m ready for that familiarity, for my crazy journey to end. I still feel like I have things left to discover, excitement to be had, new experiences in a new city waiting for me.
I know I can still have crazy adventures in BC, and that I’ll have to start my life over there again as well, but I have a mental block that worries me that everything might be
too similar to before, that I’ll feel this driving need to move away again. It seems like once I go back to BC, the rest of my life is starting, and it’s time to settle down and get serious about my life and what I want to be doing. And I’m not ready to settle down just yet.
I don’t know, it’s hard to describe, but ever since I decided on the idea of moving back to BC at the end of February, I’ve been feeling a bit anxious about going back. Not unhappy in the fact that I don’t ever want to live there again, or see my family or friends (because I do, so, so much) - but dread in the way that I’m not quite ready to be there just yet. I’ve been talking to a lot of people over here about it, people that know me well, and people who don’t know me that well, and I know that I will end up there,
just not yet.
So instead of flying back home at the end of February, I’ve decided to go live in Toronto for a little while. Maybe I just want to experience living in all 3 of Canada’s big cities! But I’ve always felt pulled to Toronto for a variety of reasons - the buzz of a big city, the cute neighbourhoods, the shopping, the opportunities, the someone I can’t seem to forget who lives there. I think I owe it to myself to at least try living there. Or at the very least take a little vacation breather there.
I spent last weekend in Toronto, staying in a hostel while I went to view a number of different apartments to find a good living situation. I found a cute apartment in Little Italy, where I’ll be temporarily subletting the bedroom of a girl while she goes traveling, and living with her roommate, who is also a 24-year old young professional, like me. I think living alone was a mistake I made when I moved to Montreal and hardly knew anyone. Living with a roommate is better because you automatically get to know someone, (hopefully) make a friend, and are more easily introduced to other people. The apartment itself is in a super cute area, with lots of shops and little cafes, and the street car runs right outside the apartment 24-hours.
Anyway, I have no expectations about what will happen in Toronto. I had a lot of expectations about Montreal and that resulted in me being rather unhappy the first month or two I was here. This time, I’m seeing this as just an adventure for fun - because
why not? Life is about living, and that means I’m going to jump on this whim and not look ahead and not look back, just be, and just enjoy.
So, there it is. I’m feeling really happy and good about this next adventure. Although, I do feel a lot of craziness is running through my veins too!! I can’t really believe this is happening - how did I get this adventuresome and brave all of a sudden? I thought I was that shy girl who never wanted to take risks? I’m beginning to believe that she’s gone and that the real me is a go-getter and a risk-taker. It’s weird.
Labels: life, thoughts
It’s funny how oftentimes you are unappreciated until you leave or express interest in leaving somewhere or something or someone... I’m finally, finally feeling like I’m being appreciated at work and it’s all because I gave my notice on Monday to say that I was leaving. In this past week, I’ve never had so much rallying for me to stay – from my immediate boss, from co-workers, from my high-up boss... It’s been unbelievable the lengths and negotiations everyone is going to try and get me to stick around. While I’m not going to stay, it’s been really nice to know that I’m finally appreciated and they consider me a really good fit to the company.
So. What to say. My emotions are zinging this way and that and it seems like I should be anxious or nervous about this next chapter in my life, but instead I just feel calm. I feel happy. Although, to be fair, I do feel an immense sadness about leaving Montreal and the amazing people I’ve met here, and I do have a tiny tiny voice in the back of my head saying that I should be staying for one more summer... But. Choices have been made.
Well, choices have mostly been made. I’m not sure I’m ready to settle down and start a real life back in BC just quite yet... More on that later after plans are more finalized. I feel like I have a little bit of crazy in my blood, I’m feeling a little invincible or something right now. Living in Montreal and creating a fantastic life here, it seems like I can do this anywhere. I can pick up and live in any city.
It’s a great feeling. Maybe that’s why I don’t feel anxious. I just feel content. Now let’s go find some more happiness.
Labels: thoughts
I went out to see a play put on by an independent theatre company last night, and it was surprisingly good. I think the key to watching independent theatre is to have no expectations because you never really know what is going to be thrown at you - could be good, could be terrible. But, I was pleasantly surprised last night!
Something I've noticed lately... In spite of how well I think I know myself and how much thinking I do about life and who I am and how things are, it amazes me when people will tell me something about myself that I had never before even considered. And once I get over my astonishment or want to brush their revelation off, they turn out to be right about something I thought I had all the answers for. And it becomes clear that that was the truth all along.
And this makes me realise that I don't have everything sorted out in my life, I don't have all the answers... but I don't
want to have everything figured out. I want to constantly think and seek answers and seek knowledge and know that I don't know. I believe Socrates said something along the lines of "the unexamined life is a life not worth living."
Labels: thoughts
I've been having a really "off" day today. I woke up feeling really hungover-like, which was impossible given that I only drank 2 beers last night. So I chalked it up to just being tired, but that fuzzy-in-the-head and groggy feeling lasted way past the espresso I gulped down at work. I just felt grumpy and irritable and tired, and I even had waves of nausea and feeling faint. I didn't want to talk much or be my usual bubbly self, and it didn't let up all day.
I don't know why. It doesn't feel like I'm getting sick or anything. Maybe it's all of the emotions that are churning around in my brain right now combined with all the irritations I'm feeling at work. I
am feeling a lot of emotions right now, and I'm feeling pressure from a lot of things and people and I'm feeling pulled this way and that. Decisions and changes are happening. And I'm always so concerned with making the "right" decision, with pleasing everyone.
Which brings up this: on New Years Eve I had one of many amazing talks with Caitlin, and she told me something like, "You know, Maresa, I can't believe you don't blame anything in your life or how you are on your parents." And I remember looking at her and feeling shocked and at a loss for words. I remember thinking
of course I don't blame anything on my parents, why would I? Everything in my life and how I am is
my responsibility and
my doing.
But you know what? Who I am is half nature but also half nurture. I don't know why this never clicked with me before. Not that I'm looking to blame anyone for how I am, but I'm seeking to explain why. And it's because my parents put out the appearance that they're perfect. They have a perfect house, they have a perfect marriage, they make the right decisions, they never argue, they are always happy, they want me to be independent and perfect like them.
And so, here I am, concerned with making the right decisions, making sure I'm being independent, making sure to please them. I'm always cheerful, hardly ever show it when I'm in a bad mood, I make sure I have everything in my life under control. I try to make myself perfect too.
I want to stop feeling like I have to be in control of everything. I want to stop feeling like I have to make the "right" decisions. I want to do what I think will make me happy, and it may not be the best or smartest choice, and it may be impulsive and I may regret it later, but I can't keep trying to be perfect. I need to have days where I'm in a bad mood, and I need to feel like I can vent my bad mood feelings to people. I can't keep feeling like I need to please everyone.
I don't want to just feel things on the surface. I want to dive in. I want to feel the good and the bad. I want to get rid of the control. I want to be closer with my friends. I want to make irrational choices. I want to not be afraid of conflict. I want to find someone to love so much and feel like I can share all of this with them.
I just want to do whatever the fuck I want to do.
(Wow. Writing makes me feel a lot better.)
Labels: thoughts
2009...
Reflections on 2009The year 2009 was a year of growth and learning, pain and heartache, exploring, loneliness, independence, challenges, and finding happiness.
I rang in the the new year of 2009 at my friend Marja's house, with a crowd of her friends who I didn't know, which was perhaps a premonition of the year to come.
January was the second month I'd spent living all by myself in my own apartment, and I was loving living on my own.
I was broken up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years, but soon realised he was the one I wanted to be with, and we spent Valentine's Day at a secluded cabin up-island. We became inseparable again, and I was so happy, I felt like we could make it through anything.
I started feeling nagging thoughts about moving away around March. In April I decided I was going to move to Montreal for 4 months over the summer, to try and quiet those nagging feelings. I left town on May 1st and moved into a tiny bachelor apartment sublet in the Plateau area of Montreal.
That first month in Montreal I have never felt so lonely and debilitated and hopeless. I cried a lot and wondered what the hell I was doing there. I had a difficult time getting a job because my French wasn't great, and I only had one friend who I didn't even see that often. I did a lot of thinking during that month, and decided I had to change everything around, make some decisions, and break free of debilitating cycles.
In early June I started dating a guy and we had a fun summer fling, which helped to turn my mood around, and let me see more of the great things Montreal had to offer. I started feeling happier. July carried out similar to June, with beautiful weather and enjoying the city, and friends and my mom visiting from home. I found that being with someone else helped me to forget the heartache I felt about my ex-boyfriend from home. I also took some photography classes at Concordia University. In August I traveled to Jamaica with said fling, and when I got back, I decided to stay in Montreal for a while longer.
I decided to stay in Montreal for a number of reasons. I was upset that life in BC seemed to be so different - friends were scattered, my ex-boyfriend was seeing someone new, and I wasn't sure that I wanted to go back when it seemed like nothing and no one was waiting for me there, and everything had changed. Plus, I had booked 2 wedding photography gigs in September and I was really excited about that. I also finally felt stabilized in Montreal, like I'd gained that independence and confidence I'd wanted.
So, the last few weeks of August were consumed with intense apartment and job hunting. I moved into a new bachelor apartment in September, and finally landed a job a week later. I successfully photographed the 2 weddings and other photography gigs. I traveled to New York City by myself to visit a friend. In October, my fling and I broke up. I befriended a girl at work, and she helped me to keep my sanity and gave me that female friendship I had been really missing. I came back to BC for Thanksgiving on a whirlwind 4-day trip and realised just how much I missed everyone and being back at home.
I celebrated my 24th birthday in November with friends in Montreal. December it started to get cold and I knew I wasn't cut out for Eastern winters! I had some tough days at work and tried to keep my head above water. I came home for Christmas holidays and knew without a doubt that it was time to come home.
---
Which brings me full circle to now. I can't believe how much has happened over the past year, how much has changed. And most notably, how much has changed within me. I've learned that I've been looking outside myself for the things that matter. I've been trying to bring the world to me. But the most important things to me are here and already inside me, like my love for my family and friends.
No more running away, no more searching. I've found home. I just had to travel across the country to realise what was right under my nose. I was so scared before: scared of growing up, of settling down, of not being sure. I wasn't sure what I wanted out of life, wasn't sure who I wanted to spend it with.
You can live anywhere in the world, you can have a house anywhere, but home can only be with people you love. And so, I will start 2010 by moving back to BC. My Montreal adventure has reached its end. I feel so confident and excited about my decision to come back; I can't wait to live here again.
Labels: BC, memories, montreal, thoughts
I was flipping through my new Elle magazine and came across an interview with Alec Baldwin. The interview is pretty regular until near the end I read this part:
"I've been in relationships where I second-guessed it and second-guessed it, and that was far worse than the ones where I dove in and I was wrong and I got out of it. Remember: no risk, no reward.
"After all of my fear and my inability to commit, I tell people now to go the opposite way: Commit!" he continues. "If you're with someone, move in with them. If you're living with them and if you're not sure, marry them."
Why?
"Because not finding out and wondering [what if] is far worse than finding out that you're wrong. Don't die wondering."And this is what I have to keep telling myself about my upheaval and move to Montreal. It would have been worse not to move away and wonder what if. And now I'm here, now I've found out, now I've realised a lot of things. Things that would have always been a what if.
You just have to dive right in.
Anyway, food for thought.
Labels: articles, thoughts
So I'm single again. And I think it's probably a good idea that I stay this way for a while. For me to work through some stuff.
I think I look too hard for a connection in a relationship when there isn't one. And I know now that not every relationship I have is going to be that way, in fact, most probably won't. And not everyone wants a deep connection anyway. But I do.
I'm looking for love. Real love. Exhilarating, can't-get-enough, consuming love. Someone who thinks I'm the best in the world. Someone I have so much fun with, who makes me laugh, but also someone I can sit with and have a quiet, meaningful conversation. To talk about life, the world, nothing and everything at the same time. Someone who's my best friend, who knows all of me. I had it once. I had it and I pushed it away. And I don't think I will ever get over that, or him.
When the time is right, when I'm ready, I'd like to find it again. After all, the most important thing in life is to love.
Labels: thoughts
One of the main reasons I came to Montreal was to develop my independence. And to me, that meant pushing everyone away and being on my own, and either sinking or swimming.
It's funny, because living completely on my own here, without a safety net of friends and family, I do feel more independent, but I've come to realise the opposite: that having close friends and family in your life and in proximity is very important. I also never really realised how important having close girl friends are. People to talk to about anything, who will listen to you say anything, no matter how stupid, and still love you.
I think before I came to Montreal I had this problem about letting people in too close, and I felt the need to run away and put distance between me and people I cared about. I was afraid of letting people in, of losing my independence which I had so carefully started to cultivate, worried that I couldn't learn about myself if people who cared about me were still so attached to me. Now I know that this is completely silly.
More than anything, I've learned to lean on people if I need to. I've learned that I need close friends and family, and that this won't take away any independence. I've re-learned that I have amazing friends.
And I feel like I know now what I want out of life.
Labels: thoughts
Comparing Montreal with BC
I honestly didn't think the two places were that different. Probably because I've gradually grown used to how things are here in Montreal that I kind of forgot what living in BC was actually like. But I was definitely re-reminded when I came back to visit for Thanksgiving.
Firstly, people's personalities are different. People in BC are much more laid-back, friendly, and easy-going. I was actually surprised at how friendly people were being to me the first day I arrived back. Examples. I arrived into the Vancouver airport and was waiting at the bus stop for my bus, which, little did I know was not going to come, now that there was the new Canada Line skytrain. It felt so easy to approach and talk to the people waiting at the bus stop, who then informed me I needed to take the Canada Line instead.
Then, I was in line getting my ticket for the Canada Line. A girl I had been talking to at the bus stop noticed I was paying the measly $2 with my Debit card, and offered to give me a toonie to pay for my fare, since she "got out way too much change and didn't need it all." A stranger offering me free money? What?
Then, I was eating in the cafeteria on the ferry, and struggling trying to maneuver my giant suitcase and juggle my garbage and purse in both hands, and the guy sitting beside me offered to help me out, to which I said thanks, but I was okay. But noticing I was still struggling, he offered at least to take my garbage for me to throw out after he was finished eating. Wow. So I gave it to him, thanking him profusely.
Does this kind of nice stuff happen all the time? Have I just become a little hard and jaded living in a bigger city? Or are people in BC just friendlier than those in the East? Or maybe it was all karma. Who knows.
And then there's the way people in BC dress. It's definitely more casual and laid-back. I guess it just goes along with the whole easy-going, outdoorsy lifestyle. And it's so
weird that I was never really conscious of it before. So many guys in BC wear hoodies and toques and skate shoes, with brands like DC, Etnies, Element, and of course my favourite West coast brand,
Sitka. And of course girls wear their LuLu pants and hoodies too.
That kind of style just doesn't exist in Montreal. I have worn my LuLu pants outside when I haven't been going to the gym
once and it felt so wrong. People here are definitely more fashion-conscious - no one steps out of the house in schleppy clothing. Not to say that hoodies and toques are dumpy, because they're not, they're just a part of West coast fashion that does not translate to the East.
And these are only two of the differences I discovered upon returning home to BC. What an eye-opening experience... and I've only been gone for 6 months.
Labels: BC, montreal, thoughts
Sometimes I look at the "Missed Connections" section on Craigslist. I think I just like the idea of lives colliding. Of strangers thinking about each other. I like knowing that someone out there, at some point during their day, could be thinking about me. It could be a random stranger on the metro, or it could be someone I know. And perhaps all those random encounters you have with random people during the day maybe aren't so random. But just imagining and wondering about what other people are thinking is fascinating.
Last weekend I went home to BC for Thanksgiving. It was amazing. I felt so happy to see all my family and friends. And I realised a lot of things while I was there. Me with the girls:
I am really looking forward to this weekend. I have mostly nothing planned, which will be a nice change from the last two weekends when I've been out of town. On the agenda: edit photos and buy a winter coat. Yep, it's already cold here. Temperatures this week have been around zero, although it's been bright and sunny and beautiful and I haven't minded the cold at all.
Labels: photos, thoughts, travel
Changes and Decisions
So I got a job! A real job. I'll be doing Admin and Reception for a TV production company. The position is full time and I start tomorrow! For more details, email me, because I won't write anything else work-related on my blog.
Aside from happiness about finally landing a job, my current thoughts are these: since everything at home in BC has changed since I left, why do I need to go run back there? My family is still there, and of course I miss and love them, but I will come home for Thanksgiving (1 month away!) to visit. Other than my family, my friends are either living in different cities or will be off traveling, I'm finished school, I don't have a job waiting for me (although I could if I wanted), I don't have any lovers anxious for me to return... So since I have a great apartment and a great job opportunity, I guess I'll just hang out and kick it in Montreal for a while longer.
On my last day of freedom before I become a 9-5er - pardon me, a 9-6er - I decided to take the train out to a suburb called Vaudreuil-Dorion, which is where the wedding I'm shooting on Friday is going to be taking place - at La Maison Trestler. It's a gorgeous old house built in the late 1700s and is situated right on the water, which I think is called Lac Saint-Louis at that point, which confuses me greatly because isn't all the water just the St-Lawrence River?? Hum. Anyway, Maison Trestler has gorgeous expansive lawns and trees and overhanging Willows, and I think the wedding will be stunning. It's creeping up every so slowly... but I'm feeling prepared. I have on order 2 new memory cards, 1 new battery pack, and I'll be renting a $2000 lens for the occasion, so I'm feeling fairly well equipped!
And that, poulettes, is all for this evening. Bonne nuit :)
Labels: life, photography, thoughts
When you're lying on your back in the park and a small speck of an airplane interrupts the vast blueness of the sky, isn't it weird to think that there are people up there? People who are sitting in chairs reading newspapers, people who are eating, watching TV, talking to children, looking out the window and wondering what the people on the ground are doing? I find it so bizarre to think about all the planes in their own worlds hovering above the earth, halfway between nowhere and somewhere.
Labels: thoughts
BC, I miss you.
I pretty much grew up on this beach.
My amazing family taken in my parents' backyard! My bedroom had the exact same view. So beautiful.
Watching amazing sunsets on the top of a mountain.
This is me showing my love for BC!
Seriously. I miss it. This whole past week I've been wanting to smell the refreshing salty sea air, hear the waves crashing on the beach, swim in the numerous lakes, walk through the forest, walk through my favourite long-grass field filled with so many fruit trees that are probably almost bursting with apples by now, and I want to hug every single person that means something to me. It's really amazing how you don't realise what a beautiful place you live in until it's gone. Well, that applies to everything, really.
You know what else I miss? My own furniture. My own bed. My beautiful leather couches, my real computer, my art, my framed photographs, my cute lamps... having my own stuff. My own apartment. And an oven! I have no real oven here, and have not been able to make any cookies, muffins, pies... I always make apple blackberry pies and crisps in summer, and I seriously miss that.
Not to say that I don't love Montreal. Because of course I love it here, but it's a different love. I love the cute cafes filled with laughing French people that spill onto the sidewalks, sipping drinks on rooftop terrasses, the old walk-up brick apartments with their grand spiraling outdoor staircases, the passion, the zest for life that is here.
I have been here now for 3 months. It seems like so long, and yet it doesn't seem like long at all. I'm so glad that I came - the amount of things I've learned about myself, the new experiences I've had, the tough times, the fun times, it's all been worth it.
I've realised though, that Montreal is not a place I could make a life. English people will always be at a disadvantage here. No matter how hard you try, how much effort you expend, you will always be one-upped by a bilingual or French-speaking person. My French will never be as good as theirs. I can't even count how many jobs I've applied for here - probably around 15 or 20. I've had one interview. I have no hard feelings, though, I understand that the French culture is something special and they want to preserve it.
Montreal will always have a place in my heart, but BC is my first love.
Labels: memories, montreal, thoughts
So the girl who's apartment I'm subletting left a few books here, and I've been slowly reading a bunch of them. I've finished all the novels that look interesting (and are in English), so yesterday I picked up
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (no laughing). I'm pretty sure my mom bought me this book when I was 12 - although it was called
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teenagers or something. Anyway, it was strange reading the first few chapters, because it almost felt like I wrote that book. It's mirroring all of my own recent personal revelations about choice and about choosing how life events affect you, being happy in the now not
if and
when certain things happen, and being proactive. Anyway, this is all sounding very cheesy, but I was just surprised by the similarity.
One of the things that particularly struck me yesterday while reading this book, was a small paragraph on love and how people say they "fall out of love" with their spouse. Love, for a lot of people, is a feeling. But it's really an action, and that feeling of love we get is a direct result of love the action. Love is a value that is actualized through loving actions - sacrifices, giving of self, touch, listening, quality time, etc. Therefore, love, the feeling, can be recaptured, all it requires is effort and action. Just like everything in life, really.
ANYWAY. Interesting. Maybe this is my mind telling me I need to go back to school and study some more Psychology. Masters, anyone?? Or, marriage counselor??? Hah.
And onto some more normal blog post stuff: this week was St Jean-Baptiste day, which I didn't exactly celebrate. It was a super hot day so I ended up trekking to the West Island (which took 2.5 hours with metro + 2 busses) and spending the entire afternoon by Nick's pool. I also saw Transformers 2 (lame), ate Lebanese food for the first time (yum), went to the casino and bet on the horsies (lost), learned French, went to some bars, and oh yeah, worked a little. Hehe. In one week Laurel comes to visit me!!! And tomorrow I start Photography classes.
And now it's time to make some dinner.
Labels: montreal, summer, thoughts
I don't want to sugar-coat my time so far in Montreal. Because certainly every day hasn't been sunshine and roses. In fact, most of May was a bit of a roller coaster ride of emotions for me. I try to stay positive most of the time, but during the last few weeks I felt very lonely, depressed, debilitated. Being alone felt isolating, when usually I'm okay to be by myself. I craved something familiar, some company. I was happy when hanging out with people I knew, but other times I withdrew into myself and felt like nothing was working out. Of course I didn't really tell anyone about what I was going through, I mean, I knew leaving my comfort circle was going to be hard. But last week when I was Skyping with my parents and a good friend, I felt as if I could cry.
It's amazing how much thinking you can do when you're in a new city and have a lot of time to yourself. Thinking and writing. And after much thinking and writing, I realised a lot of things. I realised that I was searching for happiness and acceptance outside myself, from other people. I realised I was clinging to the familiarity of the past and it was preventing me from moving forward. From attaining real happiness. I saw how I kept repeating the same cycles. Over and over again for the past eight years.
And then I realised how I could stop the cycle and make a change. It was all so clear, clearer then ever before, when maybe I wasn't ready or the change wasn't truly initiated by me. I saw that all I had to do was make a choice to let it go. Make the choice to be happy. I realised that life is all about choices (seems so simple, I know). I choose a million things every day, such as to eat healthy over eating Blizzards every day, even though I want to. I choose to go the the gym, how to wear my hair, what time to get up in the morning. I can also choose who I am and how I want to live my life. And I choose to be happy and loving and live in the now, here in this new and vibrant city. I choose to let go and to break old cycles.
Since my revelation, I have never felt more at ease with myself. So calm and genuinely contented with my place in life. I now feel calm and confident being alone. I've let go of the panic. I know that I'm in control of my life and I know that it will be fan-fucking-tastic.
And it's amazing how your own happiness attracts good things and opportunities into your life. I can't believe how much has changed, even in the last week. I'm persuing my love of photography through various photoshoots, I have a sort-of job, I'm meeting new people, I'm taking French classes, I'm regularly going to the gym.
Maybe I should also write a self-help book. I think this entry was pretty close to one. Haha.
Labels: life, thoughts
It's weird how relative a term "home" becomes when you grow up. Home used to be such a concrete word to me, especially since I grew up in pretty much one house until I was 17 or so. Now, it feels like I have no home, or that everywhere could potentially be my home. It's probably the fact that I've lived in 4 different apartments within the last 2 years, combined with me moving to Montreal and it now feeling more like a homey city.
It's also weird how my perceptions have shifted about living in different cities. Before I left my hometown, it seemed like such a big deal, but now I feel like going to live in another city is easy (okay, maybe that's a gross oversimplification - it's not
easy because obviously there's lots of challenges, but they are definitely conquerable).
I dunno, I guess today I'm just feeling very adaptable.
Labels: montreal, thoughts
It's strange, living in a new city. When you first get there, all the buildings mean nothing, everything looks the same, everything is bewildering. You haven't explored anywhere, you have no stories, no meaning behind any streets or shops or cafes, no memories to go along with the city. The streets seem both empty and glittering with possibility.
Now, with time, I have lived among these streets and these shops and these people. Street names gain meaning, cafes contain stories, people become real. The language even seems natural, when it once seemed like surreal, incomprehensible babble.
I'm starting to feel part of it all, not just an intruder who is feeling her way around in the dark.
Labels: montreal, thoughts
Bonjour from Montreal :)
It's true, I'm sitting here in my cozy Montreal bachelor apartment as I write this. I've been here over a week now, but this is really only my 4th day completely by myself, as my dad flew over with me to help settle me in. And then we took a side trip to NYC for a few days! But now, I'm alone and in a giant French-speaking city where I know one person. Well, that number is growing every day.
I go through moments thinking I'm a crazy person for moving here like this, without a job, without a support system, without really having any concrete
plans and other moments feeling exhilarated and full of possibilities. It was honestly a shock to me about how much French is spoken here, I naively thought that English would still dominate French, but no, French is the first language of everyone, and most people are able to switch back and forth mind-numbingly fast. It's taken me a few days to get comfortable with saying "Bonjour" or other short phrases in stores and cafes and getting past the awkwardness when someone speaks to me in French. The French I learned in highschool is coming back.... slowly. Very slowly.
I live in a great neighbourhood called
Mile End, which is home to lots of cafes and restaurants and shops and arty people. There's tons going on, and everything is in walking distance, including the subway, so it's easy to get around. I'm also extremely close to Mount Royal park, which will be amazing when the weather gets hot.
The one big thing that lingers to making me think I'm insane is the job situation. It's proving to be quite difficult to get a job, given that I'm not bilingual or even close. I will be okay for another month or so, but then the money situation is going to get a little tight! I'm trying to stay positive, but every day I look at countless classified ads for every type of job I can think of that might be decent, and all require spoken/written English and French. Even janitors! Even busboys! And especially all jobs I'd be qualified for or interested in. Soooo. We'll have to see.
My main goal for this summer is just to have fun, take lots of photos, do as many photography classes as I can (tomorrow I register at Concordia Uni), and travel (on the list: NYC again!, Boston, Cape Cod, Toronto, Quebec City).
And there we have it - the first update from the Frenchie lands.
Labels: mile end, montreal, thoughts
